The Hockey Dreamland… or not?
On the idyllic island of “Hockey” the tribal elders meet
to discuss a strange phenomenon.
Their traditional tribal sport
of hockey is being threatened by
a game called T20 cricket and
another called “soccer”. Not
only are the TV channels showing
virtually round the clock
cricket and soccer but even the
tribal youth are going to the
circus to watch this T20 cricket
“thing”. Some just stay home
watching it on TV and eating
chips and popcorn before heading
out to a rock concert.
By Steve Jaspan
The tribal elders ask their
sommeliers to bring out some
vintage tipple and lock
themselves in the Squash Room so
they can bounce some ideas off
the wall. They do not emerge for
many hours but when they do they
seem elated and energized. They
call a press conference and
unveil a new version of their
tribal sport.
So what does the new version
of the Tribal game look like?
8 men’s teams and 8 women’s
teams – all dressed in their own
tribal gear (some of these
costumes are amazing to behold!)
and paraphernalia are
participating. They each have
troubadours and praise singers
who help to add to the fanfare.
The teams will play in the
Tribal Championship Showdown for
one intensive weekend of action,
music and entertainment.
Bands of supporters attend to
ensure full support for their
tribal team. Most are dressed in
“tribal” replica clothing –
sales have been phenomenal with
the Tribe earning royalties.
Some very famous actors,
authors, musicians, artists and
politicians are supporting their
tribal teams.
Organised into 2 pools of 4
each team plays 3 x 60 minute
pool games. Thereafter,
semi-finals and a final. The
rules have been adapted to
ensure non-stop action, goals
galore and drama. There is no
such thing as a draw. Shoot-outs
decide matches if there is a
stalemate! The Ringmaster
(Master of Ceremonies)
coordinates the entertainment,
music and competitions. Children
and the tribal supporters teams
are involved in the ongoing
entertainment and fun.
The goals are bigger. A
premium is placed on field
goals, the rules have been
adapted to ensure flowing games,
with very few stoppages except
for prescribed time-out. There
are interactive games and TV
coverage which highlights the
action and drama. Children are
involved and can meet their
heroes and heroines. At
water/advertisement breaks,
spectators come on to the field
to attempt to win prizes. The
captain of each team is “wired
for sound” and is asked for
comment at appropriate times.
The same applies to the coaches
and umpires.
The prize money and trophies
are exceptional and the most
impressive in the history of
this tribal sport! There are
also prizes for innovative
suggestions to market and
promote the tribal sport.
Between games troubadours,
acrobats and comedians entertain
the crowds, whilst delicious
food and drink is available.
Parents can leave their children
in the supervised “play land”
and just enjoy the entertainment
– without worrying – except
whether their tribal team will
win! Selected spectators will be
invited to play in a celebrity
tribal golf day together with
sponsors and other celebrities.
At the end of each day’s play
there is a concert and
fireworks. There is also a
gourmet and wine/beer/whisky
village, so you can sample
tribal specialties, cooked by
cordon bleu Tribal chefs, who
are also involved in a cooking
competition. The wines, beer and
whisky of the year will also be
announced.
The television coverage is
amazing – revolutionary for this
tribal game - with cameras
picking up the amazing speed,
skill and action not to talk of
the blood, sweat and tears! The
commentators are well-known
celebrities.
Apparently a movie is being
made of this stunning new
version of the old tribal game.
That old classic “Rollerball”
movie of the last century will
not be a patch on this new one!!
The top personalities involved
are becoming instantly
recognizable worldwide!!
The Tribal Elders seem
pleased because the “Empire has
struck back” against its
competitors and interest in the
Tribal game is at an
unprecedented high. Sponsors and
business partners are delighted.
Steve Jaspan is FIH Executive
Board member and Chairman of the
new FIH High Performance
Committee.